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        > Posted by JLM: 9/22/01: Mental Problems		 New Topic    Add Reply

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srfwalrus
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(8/5/02 7:43 pm)
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Posted by JLM: 9/22/01: Mental Problems
Posted by JLM: 9/22/01: Mental Problems
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You do not need to apologize for suggesting that some of us who have left the ashram setting need mental assistance. You are 100% correct. I found that after leaving that debilitating environment, I had no self confidence, no self esteem, questioned my ability to make decisions without someone telling me what to say or how to think, paranoia; a feeling of being watched all the time, an emptiness left by the betrayal of people I had trusted, an emptiness left by the reality of what SRF was all about and questions as to how I could have given my life to such a cause. I was told not to talk to any "outsiders" (alias enemies; alias devotees; alias another human being) about my life in the ashram for fear of being sued by the church going, high priced lawyers.

Because of my mental and emotional state, I had to talk with someone or go deeper into depression. Those few friends that I had known for decades and felt I could confide in were polite but time has shown that they didn't want to hear anything negative about SRF since they had devoted their lives to it and didn't have the courage to see what it was all about. It would have been too inconvenient for them to have to start all over again since their lives, their friends, their belief system were at stake. I couldn't help but think that within SRF, you have the blind (management) leading the blind (those devotees who do not think for themselves).

Some people have tried to make a difference within the ashram. The couple that had been in the Encinitas Retreat were an example of that. They went all the way to the top and confronted the board and the management committee, as well as both the monk and nun spiritual life committees with what they saw, experienced and questioned. I admired their courage and thought now some changes will be made. That didn't happen and they were driven out by lies, rumors, shunning, slow down - you know the rest.

Several of us monastics left the ashram after that fiasco. Including members of those committees. The truth of the matter is that SRF will not change for several generations. The women in charge now have trained others to follow in their footsteps.

I am happy that their are folks who are willing to help the monastics make the transition to the real world. One of the surprising things I learned after leaving is that their is more love on the outside of the ashram than on the inside. That people treat each other with kindness. That you can smile at someone and they will smile back at you.

God bless anyone who is willing to help those brave souls who have been so wounded emotionally, mentally and financially and are refusing to remain a part of the sickness that is SRF by leaving and starting all over again with little or nothing with which to begin a new life.

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