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redpurusha
Registered User
(10/29/02 6:57 pm)
Reply 		Priest Humor
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. after mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next
to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the @#%$ out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and
eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Rosemarie7
Registered User
(11/1/02 5:16 pm)
Reply 		Re: Priest Humor
A Priest was showing a new initiate around the monastery. He took him into a room where several Priests were leaning over desks writing.

The initiate asked, "What are they doing?"

"They're copying ancient text," the Priest replied.

"From the original?"

"Oh, no," the Priest said, "We keep the originals in the cellar in an air tight vault."

"But aren't you afraid somebody might make a mistake?"

"Oh, no of course not...." The Priest got a peculiar look on his face than said, "Could you wait here for one moment please?"

The Priest pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked a door down the hall, looking back once more he added, "Please wait."

The initiate waited and waited and waited, then he slowly began to wander down the hall stopping at the door the Priest went into. The room was dark except for one small reading lamp at the bottom of the stairs.

The young initiate boldly stepped down a few stairs. He saw the Priest leaning over an ancient text sobbing.

"What is it, what's wrong?"

The Priest looked up with a tear drench face and said, "The word was celebrate."

Edited by: Rosemarie7 at: 11/1/02 5:42:27 pm
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