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PsychAnalyst
Unregistered User
(10/6/01 3:41 am)
Reply 		Techniques of the Verbal Abuser
1. Withholding

     "By withholding, the verbal abuser is saying, I've got something you want and I can withhold it from you. Therefore, I am in control. Or, If I don't respond, if I refuse to answer, I can control the outcome, that is, I can maintain the status quo. I can be sure that there will be no change. I don't have to ask. I don't say "no." I don't have to say "yes." I don't have to be vulnerable. I can stay in control and therefore risk nothing."


2. Countering

      "By countering his partner, the verbal abuser is saying, I can think for both of us. What you think is wrong. What I think is right. If I can get you to doubt yourself, I can control you more easily. "


3. Discounting

      "By discounting his partner's perceptions, the verbal abuser is saying, I can decree the worthlessness of your perceptions and actions. I am not accountable. I can stay in control."


4. "Joking," "Teasing"

      "By telling his partner that the abuse is only a joke, the verbal abuser is saying, I feel so up putting you down that I never want to give it up, so I decree that my comments are humorous - I'm in control. I can say what I want."


5. Blocking and diverting

      "By thwarting his partner, the verbal abuser is saying, I do not accept any responsibility to respond to you as a rational person, so I can change the conservation at will -I am in control."_


6. Accusing and blaming

      "By blaming his partner for his abuse of her, the verbal abuser is saying, You are to blame for your pain and for everything I say or do to you and for everything that isn't the way I want it to be , so I do not have to stop my behavior. I'm in control."


7. Judging and criticizing

      "By judging and criticizing his partner, the verbal abuser is saying, When I tell you what is wrong with your thoughts and actions, I put myself in charge of you and therefore in control of you."


8. Trivializing

      "By pretending that his partner, or her actions or perceptions or opinions or thoughts or concerns, are less than they are, the verbal abuser is saying, When you see how insignificant you are, I will have more power over you."


9. Undermining

      "By undermining his partner, the verbal abuser is saying, When I erode your confidence and lessen your determination, you are easier to control."


10. Threatening

      "With this very obvious means of control, the verbal abuser is saying, I have Power Over you. I am in control. Do as I say. If you don't, I'll . . ., or if you don't, you might get hurt - implying physical harm by a fit of rage or by an unspoken threat like punching the wall."


11. Name calling

      "By calling names, the abuser is saying, You do not exist. You are annihilated, you are now BLANK. Now that you are wiped out, I'm in control, just like in a war."


12. Forgetting

      "When the abuser regularly forgets appointments, agreements and/or incidents, he is saying, I'm in control of your time, energy, or reality and I don't have to be accountable because I'm in control."


13. Ordering and demanding

      "With these direct displays of control, the verbal abuser is saying, I have a right to assert Power Over you in an overt act of control. If all the other intimidating behaviors achieved my goal, you will do as I demand."


14. Denial

      "By denying all of his abusive behavior, the abuser is saying, I can keep everything exactly as it is, with you under my control, and I will not be held accountable."


15. Abusive Anger

      "By being abusively angry, the abuser is saying, As long as I am scary and threatening to you I can have my way."


Hadit
Unregistered User
(10/6/01 5:35 am)
Reply 		Verbal Abuser
THIS DESCRIBES MRIDANI TO A TEE!!! Others, too, but this so exactly describes her actions and attitude. Her abuse of the nuns in the Encinitas Ashram is legendary.

Science
Unregistered User
(10/6/01 6:46 am)
Reply 		Scientific analysis
I have to be fair and say I don’t see ALL these in the people I have worked with. But it opens up the possibility that we might be able to come up with an SRF Walrus shorthand for some of these people. Let’s see if there is a pattern. (Of course this might be called 11, name calling, so I am accusing them of doing what I am not doing)

Satyananda = 1-2-3-5-6-7-8-9-12-14 (he is probably proud he is not all of them)

Uma Mata = 1,3,5,6,7,9,12,14

Jill = 1,2,3,5,6,7,8,9,10,12,13,14,15

Ananda Mata = 1,2,3,5,6,7,9,10,14,15

I will stop there as this is a good sample from MC. The common ones seem to be 1,3,5,6,7,9, and obviously 14. Withholding, discounting, blocking and diverting, accusing and blaming, judging and criticizing, undermining, and obviously denial.

A pretty sad state for the supposed religion of the new age. Comments?

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