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SRF Walrus > Treatment of Members/Monastics > Human Wreckage
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New Unregistered User (9/20/01 9:59 am) Reply	Human Wreckage How shall we deal with the steady stream of human wreckage coming out of SRF?
tranassist Unregistered User (9/21/01 9:41 pm) Reply	Helpful Website There is a group of loving devotees who are trying to help SRF monastics (and maybe employees) who wish to leave the SRF work/ashram environment. Since they are not only often mentally damaged, but also financially bankrupt, caring people are making an effort to help. Please check the following website for information if you need help or want to help: geocities.com/tranassist/ Too bad SRF Management isn’t one of the resources helping their former “family members”.
tranassist Unregistered User (9/21/01 9:52 pm) Reply	Correction My apologies if my post above implies that anyone leaving is “mentally damaged”! NOT WHAT I MEANT. But most of us know that the environment is very often so unhealthy that help adjusting can sometimes speed the “recovery”. Even if that is not the case, people need help finding a job, writing a resume, finding a place to live, getting furniture, a car, ….
jlm Unregistered User (9/22/01 6:44 am) Reply	mental problems You do not need to apologize for suggesting that some of us who have left the ashram setting need mental assistance. You are 100% correct. I found that after leaving that debilitating environment, I had no self confidence, no self esteem, questioned my ability to make decisions without someone telling me what to say or how to think, paranoia; a feeling of being watched all the time, an emptiness left by the betrayal of people I had trusted, an emptiness left by the reality of what SRF was all about and questions as to how I could have given my life to such a cause. I was told not to talk to any "outsiders" (alias enemies; alias devotees; alias another human being) about my life in the ashram for fear of being sued by the church going, high priced lawyers. Because of my mental and emotional state, I had to talk with someone or go deeper into depression. Those few friends that I had known for decades and felt I could confide in were polite but time has shown that they didn't want to hear anything negative about SRF since they had devoted their lives to it and didn't have the courage to see what it was all about. It would have been too inconvenient for them to have to start all over again since their lives, their friends, their belief system were at stake. I couldn't help but think that within SRF, you have the blind (management) leading the blind (those devotees who do not think for themselves). Some people have tried to make a difference within the ashram. The couple that had been in the Encinitas Retreat were an example of that. They went all the way to the top and confronted the board and the management committee, as well as both the monk and nun spiritual life committees with what they saw, experienced and questioned. I admired their courage and thought now some changes will be made. That didn't happen and they were driven out by lies, rumors, shunning, slow down - you know the rest. Several of us monastics left the ashram after that fiasco. Including members of those committees. The truth of the matter is that SRF will not change for several generations. The women in charge now have trained others to follow in their footsteps. I am happy that their are folks who are willing to help the monastics make the transition to the real world. One of the surprising things I learned after leaving is that their is more love on the outside of the ashram than on the inside. That people treat each other with kindness. That you can smile at someone and they will smile back at you. God bless anyone who is willing to help those brave souls who have been so wounded emotionally, mentally and financially and are refusing to remain a part of the sickness that is SRF by leaving and starting all over again with little or nothing with which to begin a new life. PLEASE BE CAREFUL: I must caution anyone who is thinking of sending money or offering help in any way to the web site listed above. We do not know who is behind that site. It could be SRF and once you have identified yourself, you may expect a knock on your door and a high priced lawyer will greet you with a law suit.
I Second That Unregistered User (9/22/01 8:59 am) Reply	Human wrecks Yes, many of us do become human wrecks for a time. And we need therapy to remember we are capable of functioning as adults. And therapy costs money. And trannsassist can only offer advice, support, etc.. We are very grateful for all the help, but does anyone know a generous soul who would contribute to us materially? I guess the wealthy looking for tax breaks are still sending their money to Mother Center...
tranassist Unregistered User (9/22/01 10:02 am) Reply	to jlm I want those sitting on the fence to read the message from jlm above. It sounds to me like someone who was really there. And notice the fear of SRF in the final comments. Why is everyone so afraid of SRF? Are you fence sitters thinking about that? Why would a loving church, run by a mother of compassion, generate such fear? Insiders know. Jlm, I can assure you that the website is run by good people. I understand your fear, and the reasons, but in this case they are good people. I have heard that SRF is also aware of that website and don’t like it. A good sign in my book.
Tranassist Unregistered User (9/22/01 10:19 am) Reply	Board Name Clarification I just noticed that the Tranassist name is the email address used by the folks running the valuable Transition Network website to help monastics. I am not directly affiliated with that website and used that “name” without knowing it might look like I was with them. Don’t take any of my notes as being part of those brave folks efforts, or take any ideas expressed as ideas they might share. I will use a different name from now on.
4py Unregistered User (9/22/01 4:43 pm) Reply	Thanks for your post, jlm. When I left the ashram my self esteem did not exist. It was not low. It wasn’t small. It was non-existent. It has taken me several years to get back to normal. I, also, had very few people to talk to. Who would believe me? Less than a handful of people. I could not approach older friends who were SRF devotees because my experiences were a rude awakening to their preconceptions. I felt alone. Isolated. No real work prospects. I had a very low level of trust. Who could I trust? I trusted an organization that had the highest motives? Could I trust others with lesser motives? I wanted to move to an unknown location, change my name, cut off ties with family and friends and erase my history. (The Witness Protection Program, perhaps?) I tried to start a business but subconsciously did not care if I succeeded. I found my self in debt in the high 5 figures and did not care to get out. I was sliding into oblivion, I felt alone, unmotivated, unloved, unimportant, unneeded. With my neighbors I kept up that façade. Everything is fine. But inside I was empty. Hollow. Some of my friends have had difficulty staying motivated years after they left. Others rationalize that it’s training and Master’s will and simply look to the positive and not talk about things. I am better now. Truthfully I feel better than when I entered the ashram. SRF is not the center of my life anymore. Master is. I feel Him with me, encouraging me, prodding me, loving me. I do the best I can to stay attuned.
Crog Unregistered User (9/30/01 1:35 pm) Reply	Telling I felt strongly about the message above from jlm titled "mental problems". I am sorry those monastics have had so suffer so much. What a crime. What a misuse of the powers of SRF management. Think of the good they could be doing for people. This must be costing them a lot of bad karma. We should pray for them, and pray they lose their grip on SRF soon. I was distressed that SRF management has made such an impression that jlm felt they might go to the trouble of setting up a board to "fake" the help of ex-monastics to trap people who want to help them. As it appears that jlm was an insider, that is VERY VERY TELLING. Very disturbing.
Raja Begum Unregistered User (9/30/01 2:46 pm) Reply	Being found Wanting to help anyone in need is not a betrayal of SRF. Master said that when your heart goes out to a weeping brother or sister on the wayside, your mind has temporarily impinged on the Christ Consciousness. Its possible that SRF has created fake fronts. I wouldn't worry about it though. Eventually, some of us may become discovered. Having the courage to stand before them with what we know to be true is what Gandhi called Satyagraha. If Gandhi could face the wrath of the British, we can face the tantrums of an organization who dresses their leaders like pumpkins.
username Unregistered User (12/3/01 10:50 pm) Reply	low cost counseling in Los Angeles Southern California Counseling Center 5615 West Pico (just east of Fairfax) Los Angeles, CA 90019 323-937-1344 They also know of other places - call them and ask
soulcircle Registered User (8/10/02 11:07 pm) Reply	need money jlm and 4py, I was able to send a small check (my checking acc't was temporarily bloated) to a monastic who left the ashram in the last half of '01. Do either of you need a small check direct from me? <heypoet@aol.com> soulcircle
CrashLanded Registered User (7/7/03 1:39 am) Reply	Re: when I crash-landed Reading jlm post sent a shiver down my spine and instant recognition of shared experiences. I too was in the ashram for several years, and when I left I was a ghost of a human being, beaten down and sick. Cowardly, I left only when I KNEW that if I had staid just a while longer, I would be dead. Dead for what I was doing to myself: accepting a life filled with mistrust, fear, dishonesty, saying only what was expected. All what I did was to trust God, Master and SRF, to genuinely offer my life in service for the highest cause. How did I end up like that? After all that training inside SRF...Ah...the lack of self-esteem, of self-confidence, and of practical skills to just live a normal, healthy life, Ah...my inability to make life decisions, to find a job, a car, a place to stay. Defeated, after weeks of trying to fit back into the world --after years of isolation in the ashram-- I had to call SRF back and ask for help; could they give me a room in one of the so many houses they owned? Just for a few months, just enough to create a 'credit history' that will allow me to rent a place ? How hard was for me the accept the "NO", my SRF-family of many years told me so promptly! But the hardest thing was the feeling of betrayal of friends and people I had trusted for years, the emptiness left by the realization that I had given my life to such a fake! Still, after I left, I was so deeply into the SRF myth, so totally brainwashed, that it took me 2 or 3 yr. of life outside, before I even realized that it wasn't all my fault. That SRF had a large share of responsibilities and neurosis, so to speak. Naturally, after starting to see things for what they were, I got really angry toward SRF, the organization I served for so long. In reality, I was angry toward myself for having believed so blindly, having trusted so much, having loved so much, having given myself up so completely to a bunch of fools convinced they were infallably doing Master's work. Often, longtime SRF members would ask me why I left, and occasionally, if I felt they were asking sincerely, I would tell them my reasons.... their inability to believe my assertions, to trust even the most common-sense explanations, to acknowledge SRF imperfections and wrong behavior; their unshakable, dogmatic belief in SRF's faultlessness, to explain everything away to karma, training, and their conclusion that it must have been all my fault....is really frustrating...and has given me an idea of how effective SRF public relation mgt. is, and of how many others are caught by such delusion. Starting a new life, has taken a tremendous effort. Emotionally, mentally, financially has been a nightmare! When I left there was no assistance, no support, no Transassits(?). Slowly, one step at a time, I did create a new beginning.... it has been very hard, but harder still, is seeing how SRF cannot practice one of the main points it so often preaches: the ability to change!
soulcircle Registered User (7/9/03 10:17 am) Reply	thank you CrashLanded All, While we absorb this, and let the [always] shock of our never-ending innocence pass through us.......do you wish to share more? There isn't a way with words to thank you for sharing, and for what you are sharing CrashLanded. Our replies are coming, for awhile yet we are still listening and attuning the open arms of our friendship to you Hi I am Dave I am an SRF a holic
ugizralrite Registered User (10/22/03 7:59 pm) Reply	Re: thank you CrashLanded Another voice here in my first posting. I gave SRF the benefit of the doubt for 30 years, sent money when I didn't have much to spare, put up with condescending treatment and gave insipid spirituality a pass. But I didn't mind because the goal was always what PY said the goal is, and I looked around and saw lots of other literature on spirituality and eventually it all worked out, IN SPITE of SRF obfuscation. So this cult experience which cut me off from the societal norm through supernatural expectations, was possibly necessary so that the world-illusion should be shattered. Whatever. But you guys are alright (ugizralrite). Better to see the error of our ways and move on than to be lost in samsara in whatever form it takes.
dawnrays Registered User (10/24/03 7:44 am) Reply	A very interesting perspective Hey U, A very interesting perspective, similar to my own. "It all worked out" for me in the end (both and perhaps a few more illusions being shattered of course). This karmic point of view is a very healthy and helpful way of looking at our situation, realizing of course that srf needs to move along or away (but so do I, with or without it or somewhere in between!) Probably it's best not to bash ourselves over the head too much over this (to err is human, but to forgive is divine!) Thanks and welcome to the board. dawnrays Edited by: dawnrays at: 10/24/03 7:49 am
ugizralrite Registered User (10/24/03 3:25 pm) Reply	Re: A very interesting perspective Thanks Dawnrays. You seem to have insight into the ebb and flow of change and its healthy aspects. There is a time to embrace and be influenced by the miraculous, and then later to reject the usefulness of supernatural expectations (as I termed them earlier). I wrestle with the pull of wanting to live in a community of spiritually mature individuals. Perhaps the beginnings will be found in this time of change.

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