Posted by: 4pm --- Thanks for your post, jlm 9/22/01

SRF Walrus

Mt. Washington, Ca

Open discussions about SRF

SRF Walrus > Specific Stories -- EZOP Only Section > Posted by: 4pm --- Thanks for your post, jlm 9/22/01
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srfwalrus
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(12/9/01 11:34 pm)
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Posted by: 4pm --- Thanks for your post, jlm 9/22/01

pub78.ezboard.com/fsrfwal...D=36.topic

When I left the ashram my self esteem did not exist. It was not low. It wasn’t small. It was non-existent. It has taken me several years to get back to normal. I, also, had very few people to talk to. Who would believe me? Less than a handful of people. I could not approach older friends who were SRF devotees because my experiences were a rude awakening to their preconceptions. I felt alone. Isolated. No real work prospects. I had a very low level of trust. Who could I trust? I trusted an organization that had the highest motives? Could I trust others with lesser motives?

I wanted to move to an unknown location, change my name, cut off ties with family and friends and erase my history. (The Witness Protection Program, perhaps?) I tried to start a business but subconsciously did not care if I succeeded. I found my self in debt in the high 5 figures and did not care to get out. I was sliding into oblivion, I felt alone, unmotivated, unloved, unimportant, unneeded. With my neighbors I kept up that façade. Everything is fine. But inside I was empty. Hollow.

Some of my friends have had difficulty staying motivated years after they left. Others rationalize that it’s training and Master’s will and simply look to the positive and not talk about things.

I am better now. Truthfully I feel better than when I entered the ashram. SRF is not the center of my life anymore. Master is. I feel Him with me, encouraging me, prodding me, loving me. I do the best I can to stay attuned.

Edited by: srfwalrus at: 12/9/01 11:37:20 pm

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