Posted By: Chuckle -- How I'm handling doubts -- 1/8/02

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srfwalrus
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(1/19/02 7:33 am)
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Posted By: Chuckle -- How I'm handling doubts -- 1/8/02

Chuckle -- How I'm handling doubts -- 1/8/02
pub78.ezboard.com/fsrfwal...D=16.topic

NOTE FROM SRF WALRUS ABOUT THE MESSAGE BELOW: This story is included in this section not for its specifics, but for the process the author has gone through. It is the same process many Walrus readers have been through, myself included. I believe it helps to know we are not alone in our struggle to understand what has become of SRF and what that understanding means for our relationship with Yogananda. Please post your own stories. I have received many emails expressing how much this sort of thing helps others.

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From Chuckle:

first glimpses of trouble
My first experience with these problems goes back many years. A relative of mine obtained a position working in the offices along side the renunciants at Mt. Washington under somewhat unusual circumstances. After he had been there for several months, he began to wonder why the environment was so negative-- a lot of complaining, grumbling, criticism of staff by supervisory monastics. There was one monastic in particular that he had to deal with who was particularly nasty to him; this was a fairly senior monastic. My relative was stunned that people who we held up as being so very spiritual were, in fact, decidedly anything but. There was great confusion in his mind.

After several months my relative could no longer take it (at the time, he said to us: “SRF is so wonderful from the outside, but you have no idea what goes on inside the organization.”). He was so distraught that he quit his job and immediately went into therapy (which lasted months and cost many hundreds of dollars). He ended up quitting SRF, forsaking religion entirely, and is now an agnostic.

At the time, we thought this was, sad as it was, just an isolated case involving one, perhaps a couple, of less-than-ideal monastics--it was just a personality thing.

Meanwhile this relative and other friends who worked or had worked at Mt. Washington were all into this “secrecy” thing. Everything was a big secret; no one could say anything, even about the most trivial things. This seemed kinda weird. Hmm.

Next glimpse

The New Times L.A. article comes out. Allegations of Ma living in a mansion and nobody knowing about it, fights with the neighbors over expansion plans, a senior monk has an affair, and endless lawsuit with Ananda.... While the NTLA is not the L.A. Times, we began to wonder if there might be some problems on the hill. We check out the Mt. Washington CANDER organization. While SRF allegations that CANDER fought dirty
may be true, it still seems to be the case that SRF played a very poor public relations hand and allowed CANDER to walk all over them. We could see even before Mother Center decided to pull the plug on the project that they were going to lose. Hmmm

Convo 2001

Ma doesn’t show, which is okay, but people are asking questions, which seems strange. I mean, if she’s not feeling well, what’s the big deal? But people are asking questions. Bro. Vishwananda gives the closing talk and mentions that these are old teachings, that SRF isn’t going to change, etc. My husband and I think little of it, except to wonder why he said these things.

Then, a friend who works at MW tells us that almost 30 monastics have left the order, and that a number of employees are having real problems with their supervisors and hate the working conditions. She adds that Bro. Vishwananda said those things because some people want to change the organization, and Mother Center wants no part of it. Hmmmm.

Discover the Walrus
So, someone tells us about this site in November, we check it out and are shocked and saddened by what we read. It’s just like our relative described years ago. We feel terrible, partially because we feel for Master’s work, partially because we realize we never really validated our relative’s experiences, which now are replicated before us in dozens of stories, and partially because the stories are truly awful.

Doubts, all kinds of doubts. What are we to think? We sit and discuss things; you finally realize that if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck.... We know that almost none of our SRF friends have a clue about any of this. We decide we’ll hold off telling any friends for now; first, we’ve got to think this all through.

One of the things you learn as a social psychologist is about a process called cognitive dissonance. It’s what happens when a deeply held view, opinion, belief is subjected to a revelation that appears to destroy its validity. This really upsets you. This disturbing feeling of great upset is very painful, and you can’t endure it for long. So, you do one of two things. You make a strong effort to deny the evidence, to rationalize it, to reject it out of hand. And then the bad feelings go away and you feel okay again. The second thing you can do, is to say: “Okay, this isn’t going to be easy, but I’m going to examine this all in detail, dispassionately and analytically, to see if this new evidence is
true. If it is, I’ll have to accept it and modify my belief/opinion accordingly.

So, knowing that we were feeling the cognitive dissonance, we resolved to work through it. It isn’t fun, but in the end you feel glad that you had the courage to go through with it. We’ve decided that there is very likely a great deal of validity to most the stories and accusations, and that there’s a need for changes to prevent further suffering. Sure, we don’t necessarily agree with some of the stuff on this board--no one would expect you to anyway—and there’s a lot of anger and resentment. But that’s to be expected; indeed, I
think some people have been remarkably restrained and decent, given what they’ve been through. Moreover, there is a great deal of goodwill expressed here. Many seem to be sincere in their desire to help others, and to help Master’s work.

Some suggestions out of our experience for dealing with doubts:

--we remind ourselves that doubting is okay, even essential. We found “Doubt, Belief, and Faith” in Journey to Self-Realization very helpful.

--we remind ourselves that this whole process is essentially a grieving process. You’re grieving a loss of innocence, the loss of a worldview. There are different stages to grieving: denial, sadness/depression/despair, anger, bargaining, acceptance. All of them are legitimate and have their place.

--we think about the fact that Master may be different from the organization (if for some reason the organization disappeared tomorrow, would that mean that Master is gone?). By attacking weaknesses in the organization, one is not necessarily attacking Master.

--we tell ourselves that obedience is important. But is it obedience to truth and God, or just to an organization?

--ditto for loyalty

--we tell ourselves that it is going to be painful, there’s no getting around that. We cut ourselves some slack, and take it slowly. I would suggest that you don’t necessarily accept what anyone else says. You decide for yourself. But having done so, maintain a respect for another point of view, especially if that point of view is put forth rationally, courteously, and with sincerity; try to understand the point of view even if it’s not put forth rationally, courteously, and sincerely. Respect the emotions that others feel; respect the anger, for instance. Respect the fact that some people will disagree with everything the Walrus stands for.

--we have to feel compassion for one another. Regardless of who may be “right,” everyone is suffering. Ultimately, this isn’t about who’s right or wrong, it’s about the welfare of all of us. Let’s not forget that we’re all Master’s beloved children. We have to honor the whole shebang, the whole divine lila.

Edited by: srfwalrus at: 1/19/02 7:49:32 am

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