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SRF Walrus > What can we do to help SRF? > Brother Egomoy's Sudden Transformation
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Punk Yogi Unregistered User (9/10/01 1:36 am) Reply	Brother Egomoy's Sudden Transformation It was at the 1996 Con-Vocation, I recall, we heard Brother Egomoy first announce SRF's plans for world dominion. They had already erected a huge Basillica on the hills of Lake Shrine, and Bramachari Lies was looking for people who would volunteer to mail out all those phony postcards to generate neighborhood consensus for building more useless apartments around 3880 San Rafael -- for what reason I could never understand since they were losing like 20 monastics per year. But I'm getting sidetracked. Bro. Egomoy, at the Con-Vocation, standing stalwart before the impressionable devotees with their hands folded and eyes all a-google, tells all: "SRF has entered a new era..." (or was it "error"? I coudn't make out).... "We are expanding into the 21st century and beyond..." (pause and reverb for effect) "...Thanks to you and your prayers and your ceaseless, generous, stupendous, good karma generating Monetary donations --- and your prayers --- we have been instrumental in magnifying our beloved guru's status from plain world avatar to empirical-world-avatar. I'm sure you know this already...but let me say it anyhow: you are all most fortunate to be here tonight, to be disciples of the greatest Master that ever condescended to visit this worthless planet. Do you realize the tremendous blessing that is yours and makes you princes and princessess above other followers of the saints and sages of worm-like status that trail behind our guru and our path? You are on the winning team. I'll say it again. You, my fellow sadhakas, belong to the greatest path on this planet....the greatest paaath....the greatest paaaaaaa...." His words still echo in my mind as does the deafening clamour of nearly 5,000 pairs of hands clapping and voices chanting Jai Guru, Jai Ma. It was a rally the kind of which would have made either Jesus or Hitler reincarnate for envy. But that was five years ago, and Egomoy has never been the same. I heard through the grapevine that he'd been looking to get off the lecture circuit and make a simpler life for himself by taking the name Bramachari Ennui. A name he insists fits his present condition better. But Ma won't permit this. You know -- "the only way out is in a pine wood box" -- kind of thing. What happened during those five years is a story in itself, though I'm not sure I've got all the facts right. When I called Mother Center to discuss what happened to perhaps their most charismatic monk, the receptionist put me on the line with a monastic I've never heard of before. "Now how do you spell your name?" he'd kept asking me? "Punk Yogi, doofus" I replied. "P - unk - Yo - gi - Doof--" He repeated. I heard pen scribbling in the background. "No," I said. "I'm Punk Yogi. You're the doofus. Would you just put me on the phone with Brother Arachnidmoy -- I'm not a patient devotee. I have ways of preventing you from getting your 10 dollars and collage card from the Pasadena Temple's Sunday School on Christmas. " I hear the line transfer into silence and then it rings. Soon, a breathy voice answers, "Arachnidmoy. How may I help you?" "Okay I'm gonna cut to the chase, big boy. What happened to Egomoy? Did you get your henchmen to put the screws on him?" Arachnidmoy: "I'm not sure I understand what your problem is. Are you saying you think the teachings are too difficult or need changing, because if you are...." "What the hell are you gibbering about? Does it always have to be about keeping the teachings pure with you? What happened to Egomoy after that talk on self-acceptance? Everybody was like so moved...to tears in fact. I mean Nancy Kluztmer, the 27 year-old Nurse Ratched from my temple, who never even smiles at me in church gave me a hug and said 'I love you. You are a beautiful soul.' I think we even exchanged phone numbers. What happened, man?" Arachnidmoy was silent for a very long time. Then says, "Self-acceptance is not part of Master's teachings. That is ego gratification, and Master came to teach us how to get rid of the ego." "But...." "If you don't like it, you can go somewhere else. This is the way Master's teachings are and they will not change. It's up to you to decide if you want to live this life." My heart felt as if it slammed into a hot-buttered frying pan... "Arachnidmoy, I've always wanted to tell you this, but I used to feel intimidated. Well, here it goes: I think you're trapped in a big @#%$ web of anal retentiveness. Oh, which reminds me, a couple of my gay friends tell me you still bar them from living at Hidden Valley, does that mean you won't let Jews in for fear they'll steal your money..ha ha....." Click. Oops. I guess I ruffled his superconscious state. And while on that thought. Did you ever notice there's no blacks in SRF? What's that about? Well that's as far as I got with the folks at Mother Center. It's not that I didn't try contacting someone else. But everytime I'd mention my name, I was repeatedly told everybody was in meetings and asked if I could call back sometime next year. After awhile, I finally gave up, which is what I think they wanted from me in the first place. Now my investigative work began. I had to connect two dots. In 1996, Egomoy was, well let's just say, an arrogant little prick in a big orange robe trying to hold Nazi-style rallies in the Bonaventure. By 2000, he had turned into a decent human being that even I could respect. Ironically, as he got better, Mother Center liked him less. Was he becoming a softy like the average disrespected lay-disciple? This I began to wonder about. Eventually information surfaced from the most unlikely of places... A friend of mine whose wife has a friend whose husband has an ex-wife whose son's girlfriend works in the offices at Mother Center happened overhear that a Sister who was planning to leave told another office typist that she heard from another nun who was using the same therapist that they've been sending to all the nuns that the monks also had a therapist who was actually the same therapist (but nobody knows for sure) and that that therapist was endeavoring to get the morale boosted among the monks...and it was working...in fact so well that the monks who were in contact with the outside world (I hate when the call us "the world") wanted to share the good news and that's what Egomoy and some other monks did but it started giving lay disciples the impression that monastics were just as human as they are and that would really @#%$ with their minds because lay disciples still live in cartoon land where monastics are saints and lay disciples are gopis and so came all ten of the phone calls to Mother Centers from some fussy kriyabans who always complain and this day being no different complained about the change in the menu and being that all those kriyas never opened pathways into their imagination and sophisticated neither their intellects or their feelings they plain just didn't get that the times were a changing and that nothing stands still and that God is a dreamer and that dreams change and only God doesn't change and to be human is to be progressive so they complained to Mother Center who is soooo afraid of looking bad that MC pulled all the offenders off the podium told they couldn't speak anymore figured nobody among the lay disciples cared to inquire why a few high profile monks were lurched off the lecture platform so long as Friday night kirtans were still available at the temples (let me catch my breath.....okay) thus ruining it for all of the other 4,990 members who benefitted by a show of humanity but of course the majority never calls and gives positive feedback because why trouble Mother Center and so Mother Center took one step back into the Kali Yuga and all the devotees who can't think for themselves called it progress and on the seventh day all was forgotten with the next Sunday Service which happened to be on the topic of raising one's conciousness but of course one can't raise one's consciousness when one isn't using it in the first place..... I'd like to continue this tale, but I really ought to meditate. In the next installment, I'll tell you what happened next. The whole can of worms will be spilled. And the two masterminds who I'll roast on the spit will be the venerable Brothers Swastikananda and Scaretakticananda. If you see either of these guys, mums the word. Play them at their game and all will be well. This is PY (Punk Yogi) "Love your neighbors, till they annoy you"
No BS Unregistered User (9/10/01 8:10 am) Reply	PY's story Hilarious, Punk Yogi. Thanks.

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