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ugizralrite
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(1/12/04 3:54 pm)
Reply 		Computer Kriya
Caveat: The following exercise will hopefully not be interpreted as a way to excuse making ones self a door mat, or as a license to disregard common sense in the way I treat others. However there are times when we must unavoidably be firm and resistant to aggression, and other times when, in spite of all our precautions, we become victims of unfortunate circumstance. (Sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the bug.) What follows is a formula for dealing with them and laying the responsibility at the feet of God/Brahman.

Computer Kriya:

Today is the anniversary of my mother being placed in a nursing home. Today I took my father to the hospital for a surgery. Yesterday I was unusually manic. In retrospect I was acting out my anxieties by the need to do something, anything, and so I ordered an expensive (to me) home theater projector. (An Infocus X1, factory refurbished, about $800.) Of course the purchase contributed a hint of shopper's guilt to add to the day.

By the time I went to bed I knew I was pretty "worked-up" and knew that I would have to take steps to relax. I did the usual tensing and relaxing from feet to head along with relaxed breathing. Then I began a new exercise in stress reduction, probably the result of too much time spent in forums and web surfing. For lack of a better name I will call it Computer Kriya.

Instead of opening "My Computer" and going through the file system, I opened my memories, especially the ones that were bothering me. In my mother's later years she had several mishaps and difficult recoveries and I was at her side through them all. I called up these memories and mentally did a "right mouse click" on them one by one, scrolling down the menu to "rename". I then renamed the memories of scenes from, for example, "mother's fall while in the hospital" to "God's Works".

What this means to me is that these painful and maddening experiences were temporary tempests or eruptions on the face of the deep boundless sea of all-containing Brahman. I was thinking that I needed to stop taking these experiences personally. I didn't create them, and I experienced them long ago for a relatively short period, what right or for what reason, I asked myself, do I have to continue to burden my mind with them?

So I continued past the particular memories that had been causing me anxiety yesterday and started "opening folders" and renaming all my bitter experiences one by one. Finally I came to the folder "unknown past lives and subconscious influences" and decided to try renaming that one as well, "God's Works".

All the while I had been thinking of the ocean of eternity and the waves on the ocean. I had been claiming some of these waves as my own. I was burdened by memories of waves of experience. I had turned within to the deep boundless eternal, and in its company I had undertaken the task of properly naming my painful experiences. Once renamed what was left for me? Nothing.

For awhile at least there was the experience of an existence beyond pronouns. Brahman/God alone remained. Life goes on, but I am going to try to be proactive about this. I am going to try to avoid having to rename my experiences, and to properly label them from the start, "God's Works".

Caveat Repeated:

The preceding exercise will hopefully not be interpreted as a way to excuse making ones self a door mat, or as a license to disregard common sense in the way I treat others. However there are times when a person must unavoidably be firm and resistant to aggression, and other times when, in spite of all our precautions, we become victims of unfortunate circumstance. (Sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the bug.) What I had discovered for myself is a formula for dealing with them and laying the responsibility at the feet of God/Brahman.


Edited by: ugizralrite at: 1/12/04 3:58 pm
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