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Dear Ones,
Blessings and love and joy to you all. We are writing to talk about all the great things we are doing in the world. Our monks in India, against our wishes, have opened up a clinic to help people in their community with food and small amounts of medicine. If you send us some money we will possibly send a few dollars their way. At our Mother Center facility your donations will allow us to maintain a security presence so that dirty looking poor people can’t get on our grounds and mess up our beautiful landscaping. This will keep it looking beautiful for our rich members we want to impress so we can help further the Work with their money.

We also had a monk break a rule recently when he picked up a hitchhiker and gave the person a ride to Starbucks. The person was not headed to Starbucks but it gave the monk a chance to speak about God and Master and spread the teachings. We think that kind of thing has happened several times this year!!!

We have also just completed a building construction project at our Hollywood Temple. The half million dollar structure is a majestic and wonderful structure with marble floors and an ornate Indian style of architecture. Many of the Hollywood members we have recently laid off from our publications department due to a lack of money live within walking distance and therefore now always have a beautiful uplifting place to do their business.

We are also now completing the last phase of our magnificent accounting system. This system rivals the expensive systems at General Motors and Boeing Aircraft. We are so proud of it. In our latest move we have transferred the jobs supporting this hugely expensive effort to a company in Arizona. While this locks us into a costly contract and the expensive software for years to come it is allowing us to lay off more members. We are finding that members are drawn to criticism and are not suited to working in our spiritual environment.

For all these efforts and many more we are doing our best to hide, we are sincerely requesting that you make every effort to support us financially. Remember that we are the one true representative of Masters. The accounting system God has provided us allows us to handle even very large and complex donations. Remember the blessing Master will give you if you send us money.

In sincere and blissful love, etc...

Prez

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Dear Ones,
We think of you often in these troubled times. Our hearts go out to all those in need around the world. [fill in more about how we care for them at this point. Check the Christmas letter from 1982 for some good phrases.]

Master’s work is leaping forward. We are helping the community with food and medicine in our efforts to make the world a better place. [Someone call YSS and find out if this is really true, I had heard they stopped this when we stopped paying for it] We are receiving wonderful feedback from all over the world. A monastic met a man on the way to a temple and found the man really receptive to the teachings. [I don’t think the mention of Starbucks is appropriate as we don’t want the members to know we drink coffee. Someone tell Daya we excluded that part. I know she thinks it shows we are modern but I am worried about it.]

We have completed several important and costly building projects in the past year. We have recently completed a beautiful Mandir at our Hollywood Temple which we hope inspires thousands this summer at Convocation. [We should put up some pictures of India inside the new Hollywood bathrooms to enhance their inspirational appeal. Have we built anything else? Can we work in some spin about how we have so much more room at our publishing facility now that we have laid off the complainers?]

We have recently completed another phase of the professional computer system installation. This system will allow Master’s work to process your generous payments for years in the future. In the past our accounting system had problems handling large or complicated donations. This is no longer the case. We now actually prefer large donations as they are cheaper to process per dollar we receive and are therefore a more efficient use of our monastic resources. With this new system we find we don’t even need your smaller petty donations any longer. We hope this saves our poor members some money. [Does that sound compassionate? Have our lawyers read it to see if they can add a little heart spin to it. Bless those hard working lawyers for what they do for Master’s great work.]

[What is the salutation we last decided made the best impact? Who has the minutes from the last image meeting? I think Priya was the note taker wasn’t she? Check with her.]

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