Lawyer jokes :lol - www.ezboard.com

>

SRF Walrus

Mt. Washington, Ca

Open discussions about SRF

SRF Walrus > SRF Legal Department > Lawyer jokes :lol
	<< Prev Topic \| Next Topic >>

Author	Comment
Raja Begum Unregistered User (9/25/01 12:36 am) Reply	Lawyer jokes :lol The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins: 1. Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty. 2. Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high. 3. Overcharging fees to many clients. 4. Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case. And the list goes on for quite awhile.... The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and says,"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?" The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes." St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell." ---------- A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse." The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?" ------------- How Much Is 2+2? A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers. At the first lawyer's office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, "Okay, let's get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think carefully before answering. How much is two plus two?" The lawyer raised his eyebrows. "two plus two is four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment. The second lawyer, who was also a CPA, seemed a bit more particular than the first lawyer. After an initial discussion, the businessman again announced that he had a very important question, and asked, "How much is two plus two?" The second lawyer went over to a computer, and entered figures into a spreadsheet. "According to my calculations, two plus two is approximately four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment. The third lawyer sat behind a big mahogany desk, and smoked a cigar. He seemed rather self-important as compared to the other two, but at the same time appeared to be much more successful. The businessman again announced, "I would like you to answer a very important question for me, before I decide whether I should use your services. How much is two plus two?" The lawyer pulls the shades, locked the door to his office, and asked in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
Raja Begum Unregistered User (9/25/01 12:42 am) Reply	More lawyer jokes “Litigation is a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.” -- Ambrose Bierce ------------------------------------------------------------------------ “I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character.” -- Woodrow Wilson ------------------------------------------------------------------------ “Necessity knows no law, I know some lawyers are the same.” -- Benjamin Franklin ------------------------------------------------------------------------ “The law is an ass.” -- Charles Dickens ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. “How’s it going?” he was asked. “Not too bad,” he replied. “I still have my lantern.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------ If builders built buildings the way lawyers write laws, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. What's wrong with lawyer jokes? A. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ What’s the skinniest book ever published? Legal Ethics. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ What do lawyers do after they die? They lie still. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ May you have a lawsuit in which you are sure you are right. -- Mexican curse ------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Personally, I don’t think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You’ve got to work on his conscience. And his lack of a conscience is what makes him a lawyer.” -- Will Rogers

<< Prev Topic | Next Topic >>

Add Reply

Email This To a Friend

Email This To a Friend
Topic Control Image

Topic Control Image

Click to receive email notification of replies

Click to stop receiving email notification of replies

jump to:

- SRF Walrus - SRF Legal Department -

Powered By ezboard® Ver. 7.32
Copyright ©1999-2005 ezboard, Inc.